Dancing in Your Prime: women overcoming ageism in tango

Full Transcript

Greetings, and welcome to the 83rd episode of the tango banter. I'm Elisabetta, your host, and if this is your first time joining, welcome, and if you like what you hear, I encourage you to subscribe and share with your friends and help me grow this podcast. And also, please know that I also have a private Facebook group where I regularly go live. And we discuss lots of different topics in a live setting. So if you're interested in that, check out the link in the show notes. Today's episode is all about age in tango. And it's a really juicy topic that takes up a lot of conversation time. And a lot of the pain and suffering that dancers share in tango has to do with the limitations around age or the perceived limitations around age because as I'm going to discuss today, there's lots of different ways that we can think about realities of age. So last week, I posted a question in my group, asking people if they've ever felt judged or dismissed due to their age. And of course, this question brought up a lot of different feelings and emotions. And there's definitely a lot of charge around the discussion of age. So I decided to do a whole episode on it. And I have to say that it's not something that I feel super qualified to talk about. Because some of the listeners rightfully might say, Oh, well, you don't have problems with age, you're young. So I see that as a possible point of disagreement. For some of my opinions. However, I've been in tango long enough that I have myself experienced some shifts and changes in both how I perceive myself as I age, how I feel about my dance. And I've also noticed that dancers around me, the kinds of dancers, I tend to gravitate towards people that I connect with nowadays are different from what it used to be like when I was just first starting out. So I have some knowledge, some personal experience, with age. And I've also talked a lot with people about this topic. So I'll be sharing some of my observations and some of the observations that I've heard from other dancers. But the purpose of this episode really, is to open up the subject for conversation, and perhaps create a dialogue around this because for many listeners, what I keep hearing is that just the act of bringing these topics to light, and talking about them in the open is already a piece of the solution or piece of the healing that many people are seeking. I think that Tango is not necessarily that special in terms of having issues around age, because I think age in general is a big topic for us. Currently, in daily life, in the context of our culture, in the context of history. There's a lot of things being redefined around age, especially for women. And in some ways, the frustration that women feel is due to the fact that things are shifting. And whereas even 20 years ago, we might have had a particular vision of what it means to be of a certain age and what that means for our gender. We might have swallowed our pride and just gone along with whatever is given to us nowadays. I think we're changing what it is that we're okay with. And we're asking for more. And in the grand scheme of things when we choose to dance tango, whether we're a man or a woman or any other gender, it is kind of like we're saying we want more. We want more connection. We want more aliveness in our body. We want to dance So just the act of actually choosing to dance tango, we are automatically stepping into a sort of protest, in some ways protest against getting old and sedentary or losing our connection to social life. And that idea of being useful and dressing up and going out. So I think it's really appropriate and perhaps even a good sign that there is so much tension around this topic. And whenever there is a lot of tension, a lot of charge around anything, I think it's a great moment to reflect. What is it exactly that bothers us? And what is it that we're after? And how is it that we can get in touch with our own power in the process, because ultimately, a lot of the beliefs around age that we inherited, are extremely disempowering. And that's something I've been fighting internally, even in my 30s. Because as I entered 30s, I already was faced with a particular view that by the time you're 35, your body is starting to age, and you need to get on track and decide if you're gonna have kids because if you wait too long, you're going to be barren, and time is running out. And, and that's in your 30s, you know, so by the time a woman reaches 40s, and 50s, there's all these stereotypes associated with women aging, and I think we bring all of those things, to Tango to the milonga. Whatever it is that we hold about ourselves, and whatever beliefs we hold about our age. All of that comes with us on the dance floor. And I think it really impacts how we perceive ourselves and other people. So the big deal with age, I think, this is my conclusion, after many, many years of considering this question, and continuously asking it, maybe I'll change my mind. But for now, I'll say this that it seems that we're very afraid of aging, because aging is associated with loss. Whenever we think of aging, we think of losing abilities, losing flexibility, losing mobility, losing eyesight, losing, hearing, losing muscle tone, losing bone mass, there's all these fears around age, and loss. And for women, especially aging, somehow is associated with fading, fading away, becoming irrelevant, being forgotten, being invisible. A lot of women say that, that as they age, they feel they've become invisible. We feel very anxious about the prospect of aging. Recently, I got a question from a friend who said, I gotta start thinking about what is after tango? What do you suggest? What should I do? What should I focus on? What is going to be my next step after tango? And I said, Why are you thinking about that? And she said, Well, I'm getting older. And I can tell that I'm not getting the dances that I want. And people are not paying attention to me as much. And so she was thinking about this future, that she's going to have to stop because she's going to become undesirable and not be asked to dance. Now I have to say, this woman is one of the best dancers that I've danced with. She's a wonderful, amazing artist in her own right. And, in my mind, it was crazy that she would think that I can't imagine a time that I wouldn't want to dance with her. But at the same time, she's voicing something very clearly present in the psyche of women everywhere. We all hold this anxiety about aging. Now. I know that men experience anxiety about aging as well. But it is a little different for men, especially in tango. Just the fact that there are more followers than leaders there are more women than men. And there are more young women than there are young men and Tango. There's definitely this thing that is set up where there's this inequality, that it seems that yeah, younger women get the upper hand, younger women get the preferred treatment.

Speaker 1 10:05

And, of course, that creates a lot of fear, in general for women as they continue dancing. But I think the tension that's currently arising around this concept of age, and especially aging for women, also is indicating that age is not really a stable concept. It's something that can shift that can change over time. And I've seen examples of this, in my own experience quite a few times, both in tango and outside where I meet women who are quite advanced in age, but they're extremely active and useful and travel the world and dance all night and have everything they want. So as I observed that contrast that some women feel really invisible, whereas others, given the same resources, and the same qualities seem to thrive. It tells me as an observer, that's like, something else is going on here. There's not like a unifying objective reality called age, but it's something that can shift. And I think we're realizing that age is not an objective truth about someone's value, or beauty, or their worth. Like we understand that concept, I think, intuitively. So, of course, when we come to tango, we end up coming up against all of this friction. And many people come to Tango later in life. Of all the dances that are out there, partner dances, Tango tends to be more attractive to older people. And we dominate our community dominates, and older people who come to tango, you know, in their 40s 50s 60s. So as an older dancer, when you come into tango, and you experience some of this magic, that magical connection, of course, you want more of it. Right? Of course, it just makes you hungry for more. And then if you don't get it, a lot of times, age is the thing that ends up being used as a reason for not getting it. But H, as I just said, is not something that's a stable concept. That's objective and concrete. Age is something that I think is being redefined as we speak, currently. So what I want to do with this episode is to really clarify what is it that we're actually after? As dancers when we come into tango, and I'm going to be specifically talking about women a lot just because I'm a woman, I'm more familiar with, the struggle that women go through and how women talk about age. And then I want to really talk about what is really currently occurring, what is reality right now? What is really happening? What can we agree, objectively that is occurring in regards to age in the tango scene. And then let's talk about how we can take what's available to us now in the current reality and use it to get to what we actually want. So by the end of this episode, I'm hoping it provides you with some inspiration, and perhaps some inner resources and tools and ways of thinking about this concept that might be empowering to you in the end, and perhaps even change a little bit your sense of who you are at your age, if that's something that's troubling you. When I think about what we're really after, as tango dancers, do you think of anyone who comes in and experiences magic on the dance floor and keeps coming back? What are they really going for? For me? The number one thing that I crave as a dancer is creative expression. I'm an artist, I tend to feel very creative, very artistic. So dancing, and particularly dancing tango connecting with another person and being with the music is this outlet, this creative outlet that I feel that I really need for my well being and mental health. And I think that everyone would agree That's something they want to experience as part of their night or day at the milonga. We also want to have a sense of belonging and acceptance from the people around us, we want to feel that we're, we have a place that we're not invisible, right? This is kind of like the fear that we're going to be passed over because of our age. And it just points to that we have this desire to be accepted, to be seen, to be celebrated to be appreciated. We want to feel special, we want to feel attractive, and beautiful. That's why we dress up. And we want to overall I think, be empowered by the process, right? We want to go to Milan and we want to feel good about ourselves at the end. We want to feel elevated when we leave inspired, stimulated alive. And I came to call this quality, this overall quality of joy and well being that sometimes I feel after Milonga really good. milonga. I call it romance. And the way I think of this word, romance is not necessarily like a romantic relationship or like, you're attracted to someone romantically, but romance as in like, this overall feeling of beauty, and buoyancy that we feel when we experience romantic things like we watch a romantic movie or we see something beautiful, or we have this beautiful connection with someone and we ended up having a great conversation and somebody complements us and, and it just feels like you're in a movie. Right? And to me, that's romance. And I feel like I wanted that romance ever since I was little, whenever I was a little girl sitting in my grandmother's kitchen. And she would talk about how she would go out dancing at night, social dancing, and she would dance foxtrot, and things like that. And I was like imagining this scene of people dancing together. And it's all, you know, dimly lit and beautiful, and everybody's dressed up like that kind of vibe. I fantasize about it as a kid. And when I started dancing tango, as an adult to me, it was like, oh my god, I finally get to do this thing I've been wanting. And I think we all sort of want that quality. And you might call it by a different name. But it's this feeling of just being carried into a beautiful parallel dimension where it's timeless, right? And this feeling of romance, I think encapsulates for me, all of these other smaller aspects of what we want to feel when we go to the milonga. Now, current reality, if we think about currently, what's happening in tango, there's some things that are obvious. It is obvious that a lot of women feel invisible. They feel hurt, they feel overlooked. It's true that all the women in general complain about not getting enough good Honda's or quality Honda's. For many women, they believe it's because of their age. And when we are saying here, age, what comes to mind is wrinkles, extra weight, saggy skin, some sort of ailment that comes with age, we think of those qualities like you know, I'm not even immune to this to the other day, I was like looking in the mirror and I'm like, Oh, my skin, I'm starting to get wrinkles. I'm now in my 40s and there's this just feeling of like, oh, there goes my youthful appearance. So when I hear women talk about that they're not getting the dances that they want. They voice it very clearly that they believe it's because of their loss of looks of some kind that they're not as attractive that they somehow are not as sexy as the other women that they feel are their competition. Now, what I've observed to be true, and this is another kind of reality piece that I feel is important,

Speaker 1 19:59

too. acknowledge is that, yes, some men prefer younger women. But that's not always. Okay. Not always, there are many men who enjoy dancing with women of all different ages. And if they choose not to dance with someone, it is more likely to do with something technical, like a mechanical misalignment where something's not working, and it makes it difficult for them, rather than based on age. So that that is true. I've heard many men speak in those terms. And I even think in those terms, myself as a leader. Now, it's also true that some women prefer younger men, let's just call it what it is, if there were more, more young, good looking men in tango, and if this, the scales were tipped, so there were more leaders than their followers. Who was to say that we wouldn't be in the opposite situation where men would be complaining that they're not getting the treatment that they want. So it's true, that youth in general is attractive, it just is. And it's not necessarily to say that youth is more attractive than age being aged or older. It just, this is what's attractive, in somebody's opinion, somebody's taste, right. And taste is just something that's so subjective, like we can't really fight against someone's taste, or try to push it away or reject it. It's like it's someone's taste, we can't really argue with that. So it's true that some men prefer younger women. But some women also prefer younger men. There are not as many young men in tango as there are young women. And that's just a fact. So based on that already, we have sort of an unequal field that contributes to what I would call ageism, right? Because there's so many more followers, and so many of them are very young. And when it comes to leaders, a lot of times they're older, and there's just fewer of them. So I mean, I guess it's upsetting perhaps, that there are some men who will make that choice to pursue a younger woman who is less experienced in dance versus a more experienced dancer, but older. But it's just reality. Like, we really can't negate that. It's kind of like if you say, Well, some people have blonde hair, and some people have brown hair. We don't have to be offended by that some people like strawberry ice cream, and other people like chocolate ice cream. There's no reason for us to get offended. And to me, I've arrived at that with this topic as well. The fact that men on the whole are going to be more attracted to younger women is just the fact of the matter. And there's nothing about it that needs to be changed. I think that we get into this mindset of having to change it, when we believe that men liking younger women stands in the way of us getting what we want. So that's when that becomes an obstacle. But as a fact of the matter. It's not really that big of a deal to just say, Okay, well, it just so happens that in our culture, and in tango in particular, there's this trend, where young women dominate in number, and men are attracted to young women. To me, that's not a big deal. Now, there are more women than men in tango in general. Alright, so remember that, that that is going to play apart quite a bit in how many dances we as women get, because it's just numbers or numbers. We can't fight that. Now, some older dancers tend to be less flexible and have worse balance. It's a fact it's not something to be upset about. There is a correlation between people becoming older, and the change in their bodies that leads to possibly less flexibility, less balance. It's true. If you're aging, and you don't do anything to counter the progress of time, that is going to add up later in life. So we all have different backgrounds, some of us didn't have the privilege to be exposed to a lot of physical movement and body mechanics education early in life. So because Tango is populated by older dancers, it does lead to this experience that frequently older dancers lack in technique because of an accumulated loss of certain skills, like balance, or mobility, flexibility. That's not to say that that is a given, because I have danced with many, many dancers who are very advanced age who move exceptionally well. So again, I don't think it's a given that with age, there's this inevitable lack or loss of abilities. But what we lose with age is the ability to be on autopilot. And we don't like that, because when we're young, we're on autopilot, we don't care, we can stay up all night, get no sleep, and then push through and work all day, and then go party, and then do it all over again. And when I was first dancing tango, and I was in my early 30s, I went to conocidas. And I danced every single night, I stayed up every night till 6am, and did classes and somehow I had the energy for that. And I took it for granted. And that's what is what it's like being young, right. But as I've aged, I don't do that anymore. And I don't want to really, and maybe I could if I really push myself, but it requires a lot of preparation. On my end. Whenever I go to a festival these days, you know, I really think about it, I plan ahead, I have to have my supplements, I have to make sure I get my sleep. So for me, I'm experiencing some signs of aging in my body. And it's very easy to get onto that track of Lego. Here it goes. Menopause is just around the corner. And, you know, it's like this feeling of inevitable doom approaching you. But really, the reality is that it's not necessarily a given that there are things you can do. Even when you come into Tango at an older age. Just because you don't have good flexibility or balanced does not mean you cannot develop it. Maybe no you won't have the balance that you could have had when you were 22. But it doesn't mean that you can't make these things better in your dance at whatever age. Also, it is true to say that young bodies move differently from older bodies. But not necessarily that one is better than the other. We seem to associate movement as a young body and a young body as a young person as being superior in some way stronger, more malleable, more resilient, resilient. And it's true that the younger body is capable of recovering faster, and there might be more energy that it can put out before it collapses. But I found with myself and my dance, my movement improved as I age because after so much time of practicing it a honed skill and a honed body results in better movement technique and wisdom and sort of understanding of your body that you don't have as a young person because you don't have that experience yet so so it's true that younger bodies and older bodies move very differently but I wouldn't say that one is better than the other. So I want to really

Speaker 1 29:44

underline that at this point because I think I hear so many people say oh I wish I started Tango younger. I wish when I was in my 20s I started Tango because by the time I started I I've had all these physical difficulties now And my Tango would have been so much better if I had started earlier. And that's not necessarily true, you might not have been ready earlier, your body might not have been ready earlier. And I've heard other people say that, Tango tends to be attractive to older people more than younger, because younger people don't really have the patience and the concentration and the attention span for Tango. So all of the things that I've mentioned now about age are not just true in tango, they're true in life as well. These are daily beliefs and thoughts we have about our bodies about aging, our anxieties or fears. And of course, we bring them to the dance floor. So whatever it is that you think about yourself, in terms of how you're perceiving your body aging, it really much affects how other people see you, and how you feel in relation to other people. I would also say, if we kind of think about the bigger context of tango, in relation to other dance forms, I would argue that Tango is actually a lot more friendly to older people than other dance forms. If you think about dancers like swing, that are extremely active and require huge amount of energy, older people can't really keep up with that. And so I think Tango structurally and in its form is actually much more well suited for people who are older. And I would even say that those of us who decide to do tango, whatever age and especially if you're older, when you decide to dance tango, you're sort of protesting and going against the grain, you're going against the status quo, the accepted belief about age. And, of course, that might not feel good, it might feel a little isolating, or you might feel weird, because it's unusual for an older person to start dancing. But I would argue that it's also very powerful. And that you're kind of ahead of the curve. You're much younger, just by doing that you already acting much younger than many people in our culture. And finally, in our observation of currently, what's happening in tango, I would say that, from my experience, most men that I've talked to, rarely would openly just say that they are only interested in dancing with younger women, more than 90% of men that I've talked to, would say that they prefer confident women, to young women. That comes up a lot that for men, what's attractive, is how women carry themselves in their confidence. And yes, the use and the looks still play a part. But I have heard this sentiment quite a few times that, you know, they kind of like the young attraction can be like eye candy, and it's all great. But men really revere women of any age or display a lot of confidence in themselves. So I've noticed that to be the case, when I observe some of the older women on the dance scene, who are dancing up a storm, and they're getting to dance with a lot of fantastic dancers and I when I observe them, and I think they don't necessarily have anything more special than anyone else, in terms of their looks or their what they're wearing. But there is this confidence about them. That is unmistakable. That made me sort of, kind of state stand back and be impressed by that. And I'll share a quick story, this woman that I knew in Portland for a while, who was in her 80s and she was just the most fabulous woman I've ever encountered and Tango, she just had so much class. And every time I asked her, How are you? Shall we say fabulous, of course. And she was there every week. And she never once complained about anything. She was always very positive. Some sometimes kind of intimidatingly So, and she always demanded that I think highly of myself. Anytime I said anything that was vaguely alluding to me being insecure, she would always call me out on it. So, I spent a lot of time watching this woman just really learning, really learning from her and she passed away. When I was still living in Portland, I found out after that, that she had cancer. And she had cancer for a long time. And she came to the milonga, nobody knew. She never talked about it. She was a smoker, she continued to smoke till her last day. And in fact, my last memory of her is of her sitting on the steps outside the longest smoking a cigarette and talking on the phone. And she was kind of in the dark side just kind of saw her in passing. And I thought to myself, Wow, she's just like a 16 year old, she seems like this high schooler who's just sitting there smoking cigarette at night. And it was just such a incredible image. And that's how I remember her. And I really appreciate that. That's my last memory of her because it really showed how committed she was to being empowered, no matter what, no matter the fact that she was really living her last days. It was really profound. So when we go back to our vision of what we actually want, and especially speaking from the perspective of women who feel that the age is something that was really getting in the way of of them getting the dance. I want to focus a little bit more on what is it that we can do internally to counter these somewhat outdated perceptions of age? Because as I just showed, like, yes, all these things are true. And men are attracted to younger women, sure, and younger bodies move differently than older bodies. Like all those things are true and have always been true. But it's not necessarily the case that those things are the reason why somebody might not want to dance with you. I think we as women have been conditioned to seek approval specifically from men but from other women as well. In order to feel okay, in order to have what we want. And the result is that when we're talking about a milonga setting, there's this feeling that men are holding the key to our satisfaction to us getting what we want disempowers us is this placement of fulfillment of what we want in in another person's hands and saying that men out there are acting a certain way, and they need to change in order for me to get what I want. That perspective is possible, we can definitely go that route. But it's not going to lead anywhere productive because we are creatures of habit and comfort. And unless we have to, we're not going to change. Unless there was an overwhelming surplus of leaders coming on the dance scene, all of a sudden, things are not really going to change. Just because we, as women feel unattractive and disempowered. And we want that validation. We want somebody to come rescue us from feeling like we are irrelevant. It's not it isn't going to work, basically, is what I'm saying. The result is that we just sit and wait and then we find more and more reason to feel worse about ourselves because we find more and more proof of what we believe. You know, the mind is like that. It's like multiplies whatever it is that we believe it like multiplies and amplifies that when we're thinking about what helps us condition our mind for a different outlook. Because if you're of the mindset that age is the number one reason why you're not getting the dances that you want. You might just realize that you can experience you can get what you want from Tango, without your age being a problem like that, that is out there that is possible. That is available and you deserve to have it, there are certain things that we can internally practice to

Speaker 1 40:06

increase the chances of us experiencing that magic and creating that magic for ourselves rather than waiting for that magic to show up. So, the first thing I would say is to decide to practice seeing yourself differently. Like, there has to be this moment of decision for us where we take responsibility, and we decide that age is not going to hold us back. Okay? Without that nothing's going to change. Practice feeling like the person you want to be. So this one is a really current practice for myself. And it's challenging. The way I do it is I think of the women that I really, really admire the ones that I think are the most beautiful, and the most successful, and the most whatever. And, especially if I'm, like, super jealous of them, and I just think they're, they have everything I want. I asked myself, What does it mean, for me to be an equivalent of that? What does that look like for me? Because ultimately, we don't necessarily want to be exactly the other person, we want to be ourselves, but the equivalent. So I asked that, what is the equivalent of that for myself. So if there's a dancer that you feel, is really technically adept, and the way they're dancing, their style, and how they dress and everything about them is just like, what you would want and the kind of attention that they are getting. You want that kind of attention. Then, when you go to the milonga practice feeling like you are already getting it. Imagine that you are that person. I mean, it's cliche, I know, fake it till you make it. But I mean, this is just the reality this how these things work if we want to condition a different thought pattern and different form of behavior from ourselves. And it's a practice, it's a discipline to catch yourself. When you're starting to feel that that looming do that little dark cloud that comes over your head, say, Oh, you're too old, nobody wants to dance with you, like catch that. And redirect and say, You know what, I'm gonna get exactly what I want. I'm a good dancer. I love my dance. I love music. I know other people love dancing with me. Because remember, the mind is just going to amplify that amplify and multiply. So if you start from a place of like, my age is not an issue, I totally gave a level of getting the fulfillment, and the experience of that romance that I want, at whatever age if you start there, you're going to look for examples of that, and they're going to come you're going to find proof of that being true. So we take responsibility. That's another one, just and I already mentioned it, but taking responsibility and not waiting around to be rescued. I think this is going to be a really big game changer for a lot of women. Because I think it's not that we want to feel that way. It's like it's sort of built into us that before we act, before we pursue and go for something, we're waiting for permission, acknowledgement, acceptance, guarantee that it's okay that it's proper that we fit in. And a lot of times, you don't have that you have to create, you have to self generate that. You have to say to yourself that you're ready, and you have to go for it. As I said, all that age means is that you can't be on autopilot. And at every age, whatever age we are. We have things that are assets. Everybody has those, we have our weaknesses, and we have our assets. So the question becomes, as we age, what our assets are right now, what do I have to work with? Okay, for some people, it's their figure. For other people, it's their social skills for other people. It's their charm, and their demeanor and their energy. Everybody has something that can be sort of an attractive quality that you can cultivate to attract people. But I have to say, the most repulsive quality in a person is especially when with Tango is this feeling of the wanting to be rescued if the person feels that from you You like when you have this nagging sense of like, oh, nobody's dancing with me, I wish somebody was dancing with me. I'm old, nobody, nobody's paying attention, that person is getting attention, but and then if you vocalize that, and I'm along to someone, God forbid, you vocalize it to a man. It is super big turnoff, right? It just doesn't work. The reality is, we don't respond well to that in a social setting, because it just, it's a downer. And I get it that this is your reality, this is how you feel. But you have to keep your eyes on the prize, right eyes on the prize? What is it that we're really after we want that romance? How we're going to get there? How are we going to get there by complaining that somebody else is not doing something and that we need to change our external environment? Probably not. But if we take responsibility, and we say, You know what, I believe that I can do something about this myself, I have the resources and the assets to use to get to the place where I'm getting that fulfillment, what is it that I'm going to do, then you're dealing with something a little bit more structured, like there's something that you can do, and it's very, very empowering. And lastly, this is something I want to impart to all of my students. And really every person I dance with, is that I encourage everyone men and women of whatever age to take your dance seriously, as a dancer and an artist in your own right. Even when you are beginner coming into tango, and you're older, and you might just feel like you're so behind and you don't know anything, the moment we learn tango, even if we learn it a little bit, we are now practicing dancers and artists in our own right the way you know, I went to grad school for art, right. And I should say, undergrad, my undergrad program, I did different classes for art, that taught me different skills. And then when I graduated, I had the skills. But then I didn't have teachers to tell me what to do, I had to actually decide what to do myself, I had to create work myself, I have to decide my direction. And I think that's a very important step for us dancers to realize that you we are on an artistic, creative journey of our own. We have our own artistic practice to develop, it needs to develop, regardless of age, regardless of circumstances, because it's something in us that wants to come out. And we owe it to ourselves to express it. So when you think of yourself as more of an artist and someone who is growing their art, you're going to be asking different questions. And you're going to be approaching it in a different way. Rather than waiting for other things to happen before you get something. It is more often that I will choose not to dance with an older dancer because of something mechanical happening, then because of their age. That it's so I can't even think of a moment where I chose not to dance someone with someone because strictly because of their age.

Speaker 1 48:38

It's more technical, always. So it's very possible that for some people who really think it's the age, realize that it might not be age, it might be very mechanical, like something's going on with the embrace. So if you know that, if you know that that's happening, isn't it empowering? to then say, okay, now I know what to work on. And no matter what age you are, you can work on those things like balance, like your Embrace technique, and it will get better because guess what, it's not that hard. Balance is not that hard. Embracing in tango is not that hard. It's hard in, let's say swing where you have to do flips and dips and jump around like, to me that's hard. But walking around the dance floor with a partner is not as hard as that. So we're all very capable of that. Whatever age you're at, acceptance that we want to feel from other men and from people at the milonga. We have to offer that acceptance to ourselves first. Otherwise, we're always going to be coming from a deficit. There's nothing more unattractive then talking to somebody who's coming from that point of deficit. So those are all the things that came to mind as I was thinking about this topic of age. And I invite you to share with me how you are thinking about age. If you have some other things to add to this banter, make sure you connect with me on social media at I'm so tango, or you can join my Facebook group. The link is in the show notes. Now, next week, I have a another juicy topic for you born out of my own recent experience, and that is the topic of feedback. How do you give and receive feedback? What makes good feedback? What makes bad feedback? How do you know whether the feedback that you're offering is actually good? All of those little pieces we'll discuss in our next banter next Tuesday

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