Tango milestones
Tango is not a straightforward journey with clearly marked signs and directions. We all just jump into the unknown and the unknown takes us where it will, sometimes good sometimes not so good.
But there are certain milestones that everybody hits more or less in the same order. So even though the duration of each milestone might vary from person to person, the order stays relatively consistent.
Milestone 1 - Deer in the headlights
You have to start somewhere right? Nobody who has ever started tango felt like it was a simple exercise. Everyone goes in without any clue what to expect and a large percentage never make it to their first milestone of just being in total awe and terror of what social tango actually entails. You kinda hate it, you’re frustrated most of the time because it’s so unpredictable, you feel totally out of place, but you can’t leave. You’re hooked! There is something there that keeps you coming back to class, to the milonga week after week.
Milestone 2 - Shot in the arm
After some time you become more savvy, you learn the ropes, you connect with some people and it doesn’t feel so overwhelming anymore. You begin to dance more and more until, without realizing it, without intending it, you are dancing every chance you get. You plan your life around tango events, you book your vacations at festival locations, you go to Buenos Aires, and you dance and dance and dance. Nothing else exists, sleep doesn’t matter, pain is insignificant, all you want to do is dance it all the time. This is also the phase of taking tons of workshops, classes, and privates. You might also start dating within tango because you don’t hang out with non-tango people anymore. Your family thinks you’ve joined a cult, your friends are planning an intervention. This phase can last for many years but it rarely lasts forever.
Milestone 3 - The break up/hangover
One day you wake up, you emerge from the delirium and you feel completely over it. You’re done. You don’t want to dance anymore, you don’t care to go to another class, you have no enthusiasm for the milonga, even the sound of the music feels a bit stale. What used to be exciting doesn’t move you anymore and you might feel discouraged, despondent about the scene, the politics, the competition, the lack of dancers, the lack of good dancers. Maybe there is actual heartbreak that you go through, maybe it’s a psychological shift, but suddenly tango is not the same for you anymore. Maybe you get married, you are building a family, and tango just doesn’t fit into your life anymore. Maybe it’s burnout. For many, if they reach this phase, this is the end of their tango journey. They give away their shoes, donate their dresses, and move on with their lives.
Milestone 4 - Sobering up
If you don’t leave tango at the 3rd milestone, it is because there is something that keeps you in it. Some small anchor that keeps you coming back from time to time. Having lost the initial fire and urgency of milestone 2 and processed the burnout and disappointment for milestone 3, you enter the final phase. You find your own path, you cater to your own agenda and interests. You lose the attachment to knowing everything, to having the best technique, to getting the best dances. You are not that interested in dancing every night until 6am because you want to be functional during the day. You love tango but you prioritize your own physical needs and priorities. You choose exactly when you want to dance, how long and with whom. You develop personal interests that might lead you to DJ or teach. Tango becomes a medium for you to express yourself rather than an aesthetic standard you crave to live up to. If you make it to this phase, you are in tango for life because you are at peace with yourself. You have integrated and learned how to balance both your passion and your common sense. So there is no anxiety anymore, there is no pressure and there is no attachment. You feel the passion for tango without the attachment to outcome. You realize that everything is tango and nothing in your life is without it.
Of course there are many mini-milestones in-between that I haven’t mentioned, and I’m curious if you want to pop some of yours in down in the comments below.
But here is the fascinating thing about tango (and life I suppose). Remember how I said it’s not a straightforward journey? This means that you might hit these milestones again and again. You might be totally at peace with your dance and then one day attend a class and feel like you’re deer in the headlights again. You might be completely done with tango forever and ever, and then one day find yourself teaching (like me!).
It’s a cyclical, undulating ride that, once started, continues on, repeating the same steps, that same ocho cortado, that same right turn, over and over, but somehow you travel deeper into it, somehow it’s fresh and new followed by boring and maddening in a span of a song, or a lifetime…